Are my Thursdays cursed? :(

Thursdays

Everything happens on a Thursday
My booboos and huhuhus

What is it on Thursdays
That turns my world upside down?

Why do Thursdays give me that
Feeling of hype only to be slapped

How come it would always be on a Thursday
When the angels and devils would be in flight?

Why should it be on a Thursday
That I have to feel this way?

But Thursday is that day
Feast of St. Jude, it is his day.

Dear Thursday, please be kind
Give me some peace of mind.

pondering

what am i supposed to do with what I feel right now?
How am i supposed to handle the situation right now?

I still do not want to let go
I still want to hold on

Is it just me expecting too much?
Is it just me hoping for a lot?

Sumbong

Trish,

actually, di ko na ata dapat ikwento sa iyo to dahil parang nakakapanira at panggagatong ang dating. Nwei, sinulat ko na sya kaya kahit papano nabawasan na ang inis ko. though dat day, yesterday actually, after nun mga actuations nya, di ako naging komportable, nainis ako, malapit na magalit. buti na lang, nakapag pigil pa ako.
actually nothing new, ganun pa rin.
what really made feel not so good eh ung thought na depende sa gagawin ko o desisyon ko ung gagawin nya o desisyon at pag may nabago, kay laki ng kasalanan ko. At sya pa galit na parang ang laki ng kasalanan ko sa kanya.
I hate it.
tapos kanina, i was looking for her wala pa sya... so ok lang.
tapos nadaan ulit ako sa faculty room, sabi nya o, hinahanap mo daw ako, sabi ko masama bang hanapin kita, sabay binalik sa akin ang sagot na, ikaw nga jan ang laging nawawala eh - sagot ko eh talagang ganun eh, - sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, baket ba ganito tong babaeng toh? sa kanya lang ba iikot mundo ko? sya lang ba dapat isipin ko? parang nung mga panahon na wala sya, pinakealaman ko ba sya?
ang hostile pa ng tingin nya sa akin kanina. kala ko mo naman kung sino. papaandaran daw ba ako ng katarayan nya. San ba galing ang inis nya o galit parang magreact sya ng ganun. ang dali nya makalimot. parang nung friday lang eh nagbonding pa kami. hay naku. amnesia girl ata un . sorry ha?
nakaksama lang ng loob kasi. kagabi, nagtext pa ako sa kanya, tapos, wala man lang reply. ganun pa rin. maalala ka lang pag kailangan ka? tsk.. hayy...

but i know myself better. i am still happy. i am blessed with people who really loves me. She cannot bring me down. I should have learned my lesson by now.

yun lang. salamat for taking time to read my note.

oh God help me. I miss him...

journeys and crossroads

I almost forgot. I still have you who would be willing to listen to what I will say.

The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster ride in my life. It was filled with journeys and crossinglines indeed. Kuala Lumpur. Seoul. People and places. Food full of spice and streets of history. Ports and terminals. Arrivals and departures. Planes and train rides. I wonder. Were these just signs of changes about to happen in my life?

Last night I felt like I was the ugliest person in the world, empty, nobody, worthless. I still feel the pain up to now. And I do not know how long this would stay. I don't get it. You are just a stranger, Don. I haven't even seen you eye to eye. Yet you have managed to make me feel this way. I allowed you to become a part of me. I showed and gave you all my cards. I thought those were enough to start with something more special between us. I thought. and I was wrong.

I do not understand why I have to shed my tears over you . I do not understand why I feel pain. Why?

I thought I already had the answers to my questions as to why you are here. I thought I already knew but I was wrong.

I hope to find my answers soon. I do not want to feel pain in my heart. I love you but how? Help me understand. Tell me how to love you without getting myself hurt. I just wanted to love you and feel your love in return but I do not expect much. Your friendship was enough. But you gave me more. So much love that hurts me now. Is it suppose to be like this? Will it be worth everything?

Oh God, please help me.