journeys and crossroads

I almost forgot. I still have you who would be willing to listen to what I will say.

The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster ride in my life. It was filled with journeys and crossinglines indeed. Kuala Lumpur. Seoul. People and places. Food full of spice and streets of history. Ports and terminals. Arrivals and departures. Planes and train rides. I wonder. Were these just signs of changes about to happen in my life?

Last night I felt like I was the ugliest person in the world, empty, nobody, worthless. I still feel the pain up to now. And I do not know how long this would stay. I don't get it. You are just a stranger, Don. I haven't even seen you eye to eye. Yet you have managed to make me feel this way. I allowed you to become a part of me. I showed and gave you all my cards. I thought those were enough to start with something more special between us. I thought. and I was wrong.

I do not understand why I have to shed my tears over you . I do not understand why I feel pain. Why?

I thought I already had the answers to my questions as to why you are here. I thought I already knew but I was wrong.

I hope to find my answers soon. I do not want to feel pain in my heart. I love you but how? Help me understand. Tell me how to love you without getting myself hurt. I just wanted to love you and feel your love in return but I do not expect much. Your friendship was enough. But you gave me more. So much love that hurts me now. Is it suppose to be like this? Will it be worth everything?

Oh God, please help me.