Wishful thinking or thinking out loud...

How are you? Do you miss me?

How I wish I could ask you these personally without making myself look and sound so pathetic.

I know these questions won't get their answers. They do not mean a thing. These are questions that will just float with the wind and pop like bubbles in the air.

How I wish I could tell you that I miss you. How I wish I could tell you that I still think about you. How I long to see your name pop in my inbox or hear your voice on the phone.

Wishful thinking. Thinking out loud in this case. Good I have this blog. It lets me feel at ease even without you to reply to these musings. It somehow gives me the feeling that I still have you somewhere hoping that you'd hear me though I am not expecting it would be like that.

But if ever you get to read this, I won't mind. But I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I will be okay. There are just some things that I just can't let go of right away. You have been like a best friend who listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, share what went on with my day or listen to your stories. You have made me laugh. You have become someone special and yes, have taken a place in my heart. You will remain a friend as I have told you and I hope you will keep me as a friend, too. I am not expecting anything in return though, even that cherished friendship from you if you can't give that to me. I would understand. Some things happen for a reason.

Feelings are still the same but I have to let my feelings for you rest at the deepest depths of my heart- intact, undisturbed. I will let it remain there until the time says let it go or let it stay. Time will be my friend. I know. Letting you go is probably the best thing that I could do for now, for you, for your loved ones, for the one whom you truly love. For myself, too.

I thank God for you and everything that I had with you, good or bad. I will cherish them all.

This may sound like a valediction as you would say or like a farewell song. But for me it is not. Friends do not say goodbye. Friendships do not end. We are just taking a pause.

I guess this is just what you call, thinking out loud.

I love you and will always do.